Horcrux Alert!
by The Little House Scribe
Summary: Ginny Weasley has a best friend. But is he all he pretends to be?  Join an outrageously out-of-character Albus Dumbledore as he attempts to warn the young girl of the dangers of her diary dude.  Parody of the song Virus Alert by Wierd Al Yankovic.


**Horcrux Alert!**

Being in the right place at the right time was something that didn't come naturally to Albus Dumbledore. After being lured to the ministry during the attempt to steal the Philsopher's Stone, Dumbledore was determined that he would be around when he and his phenomenal magical skill was needed.

So it was to his great delight when he quite accidently stumbled upon a chance to share his enormous wisdom with an innocent first year, who was about to make a terribly deadly mistake. And to add to this moment, Dumbledore's genius realised he could use the greatest magic of all: Music.

Ginny was minding her own business, about to dip her quill in her inkwell and begin writing in her diary, when, to her great surprise, Albus Dumbledore, Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, strode up next to her and began singing.

"_Hey, Ginevra, listen up, your attention if you please."_

Ginny, blushing furiously at being addressed by such a magestic wizard, turned her head to face Dumbledore.

"_I wanna give you a warning_

'_Cause I found out this morning_

_About a dangerous, insidious dark Horcrux_

_If you should get any object with the name 'Tom Riddle'_

_Better off protecting your chances_

_Under no circumstances, should you open it, _

_Or else it will."_

Dumbledore waved his hand and Ginny, seated in an armchair, floated behind him as the Headmaster strode over to where Percy Weasley's homework lay forgotten on a desk in front of the Prefect.

"_Translate your documents into Swahili."_

Colin Creevey began photographing the unusual scene.

"_Make your TV record 'Gigli'"_

Lavender Brown was discussing the latest trends in hairstyling and fashion with Parvati Patil.

"_Neuter your pets, and give your laundry static cling."_

Dumbledore turned back to Ginny.

"_Look out!_

_It's gonna make your fellow students freeze_

_Look out!_

_Erase your knowledge of your own memory_

_Look out!_

_Erase your life and your soul too_

_And the life of anyone related to you!_

_Horcrux alert!_

_Destroy immediately before someone gets hurt!_

_Forward this message onto everybody_

_Soon, very soon it will make you paint on all the walls_

_It'll make your schoolbooks all sticky,_

_Give your puffskien a hickey_

_And invest all your knuts in stock in Madam Puddifoots._

_Then, it will tie up your mind, making prank long-distance calls_

_It'll set your clocks back an hour and start clogging the shower_

_So just trash it now, or else it will."_

Dumbledore turned to the astonished faces of Seamus Finnegan, Dean Thomas and Hermione Granger.

"_Decide to give you a permanent wedgie,_

_Legally change your name to Reggie_

_Even mess up the pH balance in your potion"_

_Look out!"_

Dumbledore twirled to face the terrified Neville Longbottom.

"_It's gonna melt your face right off your skill_

_Look out!_

_And make your wireless only play Celestina Warbeck"_

Lee Jordan was suitably horrified.

"_Look out!_

_And tell you knock-knock jokes while you're trying to sleep_

_Look out!_

_And make your physically attracted to sheep."_

Cormac McLaggen scoffed at that warning. Dumbledore turned back to Ginny.

"_Look out!_

_Steal your Qi and your magical possesions_

_Look out!_

_Buy you a warehouse full of pink leotards_

_Look out!_

_Then cause a major rift in time and space_

_And leave a bunch of Honeydukes wrappers all over the place_

_That's right it's a _

_Horcrux Alert!_

_Destroy immediately before someone gets hurt!_

_Forward this message on to everybody_

_Horcrux Alert!_

_Destroy immediately before someone gets hurt!_

_Forward this message on to everybody_

_Warn all your friends, send this to everybody_

_Tell everyone your know, tell everybody now_

_If you get possessed, you'll wish you had never been born_

_So before it mails your mother all of your dorm_

_Close your diary and make sure it powers down_

_Stab it with the fang of a forty-three-foot long basilisk_

_Bury it completely; rocks and boulders should be fine_

_Then burn all the clothes you may have worn any time you were corresponding!_

_Horcrux alert!_

_Destroy immediately before someone gets hurt!_

_Forward this message on to everybody_

_Horcrux alert!_

_Destroy immediately before someone gets hurt!_

_Forward this message on to everybody_

_Horcrux alert!_

_Destroy immediately before someone gets hurt!_

_Forward this message on to everybody_

_Warn all your friends, send this to everybody_  
><em>Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now<br>What are you waiting for?  
>Just hurry up and forward this to every single person that you know!<em>

_Stop Tom right now!_"

Ginny had no fight in her when faced with such awesome power. She wordlessly handed Dumbledore Tom Riddle's diary, which seemed to trigger off laser-like eye twinkling in the old wizard.

Dumbledore, whistling merrily, trotted off - another innocent soul was saved. Ginny, blushing at all the attention, tried to ignore all the piercing stares she was receiving, as Harry Potter voiced what she and everyone else was wondering:

"What on earth is a Horcrux?"


End file.
